Vanessa Tan
19 on 19 Oct.

Currently studying Law in TP.

Loves sports and I'm a musically declined person.

I can be nice if I want to. =)

PLUS I decided to have another blog because I need a place to rant about shitty happenings
AND of course because i'm bored. Hoho.

I thought I had a problem committing in a relationship. But then again, I came to a conclusion that I don't have a problem. I've just yet to meet the right one. Is it?

I didnt have this trouble when I was with him. I was so ready. I didnt go for his looks. I swear. After looking at him for long, he's not that good looking. Really. But I was very happy. That butterflies in your stomach feeling, that fast heartrates, the blood gushing to your face when he tells you something flattering. Missing him even when you're meeting him everyday. That's love. Isnt it? Someone you wanna announce to the world how you're related to him. Someone you're so damn proud of. Only for him to thrash everything upside down with 1 sms. Yea. He did it through sms. And appearing intimate with another girl on your bday in front of you, knowing you're looking. I swear it felt like someone stabbed me. From the back through my heart. Awesome.
Tears. Broken heart. Sleepless nights. No hatred. I dont hate him. I dont know why. I just want him to be happy. If he's happy, I am too. When he got dumped, I met him. I just wanted to hug him. But I didnt.

I kinda concluded that maybe it's because of this r/s and some other issues that made me suspicious of ppl and the inability to commit.

I ended up hurting someone. I'm so sorry. I really liked him. The feelings there. But there's no spark. No chemistry. I hate myself. I'm so sorry. So sorry. I saw him today. But I couldnt face him. I cant look at him. I miss talking to him. I know we wont talk anymore. But I'm sorry. I dont know why I couldnt continue with it. I just know I was stressed about it. Maybe I have short attention span. Maybe it's because of the lack of butterflies. Maybe I dont trust anyone anymore. Or. Maybe I just havent got over the one I really gave my heart to. The one who didnt need to ask for it and I would readily, happily and voluntarily hand my heart over. Well. He chose to give it all up. It's his loss.

Now I know I need to find someone who cherish me.